Smother=Mother

My Mom is in town and I feel like she is demanding and smothering. We have been having this conversation for about ten years now. It is constantly an issue every time I see her. This time it is worse because my 2 nieces and my brother are in town. She expects me to keep the 2 girls. It is WAY to much. I've been communicating this to her for about 2 days now and we just argue and she says I'm selfish, I've tried to compromise. I feel she is also completely over-indulgent. I've been praying and this and trying to gain wisdom. Today it just become too much and I broke down/blew up and told her that they all needed to leave my house and that I cannot see them. I am overwhelmed, stressed out and frustrated. I want to enjoy my time with them, not be so overwhelmed that I can't even function. Any incite?

Change!

Change is always happened. It can be good, bad, and extremely overwhelming! My Mom, niece, and brother are in town for 2 weeks and it is overwhelming me. It is hard when you have your routine and then you can't do it! it is hard when you are used to spending you schedule with one other person and you cannot do what you want, when you want. I guess maybe it is good because then it will test the relationship you have with the other person, but call me selfish, all I want to do is hang out with them! and most of all I don't want anything to get ruined! I've already had a "psycho" moment, but was reassured that it was normal and OK! I really hope everything is. It is definitly testing my patiences! If you think of me today, say a little prayer!

Tag you are it...thanks to Bree!

If you just hit my blog... YOU are NEXT... Tag! You're it!!!

10 years ago I was:

16, summer of my first kiss, Europe for 3 weeks, and I can drive!

5 years ago I was:

21, the summer before my senior year. My friend Lauren came and stayed for a month!

1 year ago I was:

25, looking for teaching job, waitressing!

5 things on my to do list today:

1. Pray and read my bible
   
2. Go to the beach with Scott
   
3. Go for a run!
   
4. read
   
5. Maybe, take a shower
   

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. ice cream
   
2. bananas
   
3. apple
   
4. yogurt
   
5. ice pops
   

If I were a billionaire I would:

1. Buy a house on the beach
   
2. Pay off my debt and all my family's debt
   
3. Start a ministry of some sorts
   
4. Go on a very long vacation everywhere!!!!
   
5. Save the rest
   

6 people I want to have lunch with tomorrow:

Jesus, Brooke, my Mom, Sarah, Bonny, and my Dad!

5 places I have lived:

1. Ridgebury, NY
   
2. Middlebury, CT
   
3. London, England
   
4. Abilene, TX
   
5. Stuart, FL
   

5 jobs I have had:

1. Waitress at Perini Ranch
   
2. The world's best Babysitter
   
3. Graduate Assistant
   
4. Life Guard
   
5. HS English Teacher!!
   

To BE, or not to BE! We will see!

Relationship are interesting! How can you know if it is going to be a good one or not...lasting or short lived? I find this intimating. My past experience have left a more bitter than sweet taste in my mouth and I am hesitant. Do I ruin it for my future? I am really just trying to just "be". Being is hard though, open mind is hard too. I am trying to be honest with myself and with them. So far so good. Excited, yet scared. I am thankful for patiences.

Whatever is excellent!

I have been thinking a lot about spirituality lately. It seems that for a week now it keeps coming up in conversation. It has also been on my heart and mind. What I believe and and how I show it. Now I don't want you to think religion or "being religious" is what is on my heart, spirituality and religion are not interchangeable, but can correlate.
I grew up in a very religious and spiritual house. I think of religion as going to church and basically "following through with the motions" that correlate with the church's belief system. I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Actually, I find it comforting and if it wasn't for being "religious" , I would not be where I am today. Being spiritual is taking your beliefs and making them your own and making then know.
I feel that this year I have taken big strides in becoming spiritual. I think before this year I was just religious. Let me explain. My parents are very spiritual, they have their beliefs and they stick to them like no other and verbalize them often.Basically they ALWAYS walk the talk! When growing up, because they were so religious, I was sheltered (not extreme, happy medium), and in return became very naive (actually I am thankful). During my late teen and until a year ago I of course became exposed and I felt tremendous guilt if I did something against what they genuinely believed truth. During these years I was still religious, but was I spiritual? No. Every time I was at church or at a church function I felt a stir, but the things that I where doing were by no means excellent or consistent. My spirituality was not formed, but it was beginning to. I was/am beginning to formulate what I am convicted of and act out on them. I feel that your spirituality only grows and becomes stronger when you are committed to something. For me becoming religious has helped.
Church, Christian music, and community has given me so much encouragement and support. I think of spirituality as pure and shiny. I want to be that. All week I felt that God has been whispering little words to me because in my conversations and in my heart I keep thinking words like truth, excellent, and most of all pure.
Today when I woke up these words were just running through my head. Then I thought, I think I've heard these in the bible. sure enough!

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.

When it comes down to it, this is what spiritually is to me. I want these things, I crave these things, I want to shine in these things! Most of all, I want them for you! don't settle for anything beneath excellent!

Spit!

Just to let you know....when someone spits out their car window it does come flying back right onto the windshield of the car behind them......please refrain for spitting out your car while driving high speeds! Some of us would greatly appreciate it :o)

Swimming

School is almost out and I need something to occupy my time! Well today I swam at 5:30 (too early!) It was a Master's swim team. I found in my town. I joined. Okay, well lets just say I was very excited to do this and maybe a little nervous. I went out a bought a new suit and goggles. I am all pumped up to do this! Haha my swimming is so BAD! I do not have any technique!! The coach was so nice though! All of my strokes were not correct and now swimming is a lot harder than it was before. I am not giving up! I am going to go again tomorrow! I joint because I want to train for a triathlon. That is my goal. I am sticking to it!

I cannnot beleive it!!!

I have not written in a LONG time. I am going to write more often. Now school will be out on Friday...So I will have a lot more time! Two months time to be exact! I will update my page shortly. I'll have internet very soon at my new house. I'll keep you better posted...I promise!!

UUGGGGGGG

Moving is somewhat stressful!! I am overwhelmed!!! I don't know what to do with myself! I am excited for spring break!!! I have ssssoooo much going on right now...personal things. Say a prayer. It really isn't that bad. Prayer can help though :o)

Student loans.............vapor!

I always have these thoughts! but then when I go to write................vapor............that is what my thought feel like! I don't know where they go, but they are not in my brain any more! Okay, so student loans........I detest! well I have a lot. actually a lot is an understatement! But you know what, I am educated and................well that's it! That is how I feel about that! I was just out getting some gas and it cost forty dollars! Forty dollars to fill up little Cloe! Now going back to my students loans..........if I was to die (morbid thought, I know), who would have to pay them? I am assuming it would be my parents. I hate debt! I would feel bad! Now, as I was driving away from the gas station I came to think of the rapture, which I don't think of often, but if the rapture came it would chaotic (and it is going to be) , Gas is so much! And then who would pay my loans, because my parents are coming with me?

Touching

GOD WITH US

Who are we
That You would be mindful of us
What do You see
That’s worth looking our way

We are free
In ways that we never should be
Sweet release
From the grip of these chains

Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing

Chorus
All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified
Emmanuel
God with us

My heart sings a brand new song
The debt is paid these chains are gone
Emmanuel
God with us

Lord You know
Our hearts don’t deserve Your glory
Still You show
A love we cannot afford

Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing

Chorus

Bridge
Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary
Nevertheless we lay it at Your feet

Chorus

-MercyMe

This song just really touches me everything I hear it. If you get a chance, listen too it! The melody is what makes the song! I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday!

Aproved!

So I want to buy a house (a petite one). So the marked is low right now,good time to buy....I found a cute little house and offered 13g less than the asking, and they accepted!!! I never thought they would! Well, getting approved has been a challenge. I am having a hard time getting approved b/c of students loans...something about $800.00 a month(I know nothing about this).......So my student loans have/were been deferred, hopefully. there is a rumor that my Mom is paying them, but I really think that is a rumor ($800 is wicked steep and doubtful). My Mom said to call to find out, which tell me she really doesn't know. All I can say is I HATE LOANS, they mess everything up, but I really need one, NOW!!!! I know it will all work out ( when I marry my sugar daddy...j/k I would never marry for bling)

Sunday

Sunday is a day. My Sunday has been full. Full of faith. Full of fun. Full of friends. Full of phone calls. Full of emotions. Full of doubt. Full of missing. Full of feelings. Full of frustrations. Full of finding. Sunday is today. Today I feel a tear run down my cheek. Maybe two.

Frustrations

So today is Friday, which is good....................but I am sick and frustrated with my current living situation( with the grandparents). I find out that I have strep (I am glad I have it now b/c I have a 3 day weekend and I cannot afford to take off work), but the frustrating part is that I come home and my Grandparents say I got a package, but they don't know what they did with it. I go into my room and my diplomas on are my bed. These are important documents that I keep in a place ,put away, not on my bed which means that my Grandma was in my room AGAIN!! I know she has Alzheimer's , bless her heard, but she has been taking my things and going though my things! I cannot have this, so I am ultimately frustrated! I almost lost my temper (not at my sweet Grandma) but at my Grandpa b/c he/they were trying to come into my room and look for the "lost" package, I asked them to stay out and that I would take care of it; they continued to inch closer, in return I closed my door. My Grandpa got mad and said he was going to yell at me, then he told me to pack my bags and move the "hell" out. This just pissed the sick girl off more, so I escaped thought the bathroom and slipped out of the house and drove away. I REALLY don't know how long I can live with them, but it is expensive to live on your own here. I don't really know that many ppl either, so it wouldn't be a cinch to get a roomie. This is my dilemma. Well anyway I was in an infuriated mood, but they I read a letter from a friend....she said she is praying for me everyday and that God WILL answer her prayers! my feeling of being infuriated diminished and this gave me a slight hope that God does have something for me! I then realized that God has given me really amazing friends! And I have God, who promises a hope and a future! I know when things go like this it is hard to not have frustrations, but hang in there! If you need a friend, I am only a phone call away, just like you are to me! Wait is hard, but I really think that God might have something awesome for me (and you!), I/we just need to believe it! Leave your frustrations behind and move on!

My first blog!!

This one is for the "girls"! So I was told that writing can be therapeutic, so here I am writing. This is my third week in Florida (I just moved from TX) and things have kinda of been unsettling, but I know it is a state. I know this because I have awesome friends, even though most of then are very far but close in heart, that want what is best for me! Thanks for always being there!